THIS IS A TEST: ARE YOU A REAL WRITER?

1. Have you written today?

2. Have you wished you were writing today?

3. Have you emailed, tweeted, read or written a blog today about writing, rejection, publishing, agenting, or the subject of your latest research?

4. Did you check your email before leaving home, hoping to see a name from New York?

5. Did you check your cell battery in case you get THE CALL?

6. Did you check a list or chart to remind yourself who might be calling or emailing so you'll recognize their names as they all scramble for your attention, after a long night of reading and re-reading your material?

7. Did you lose sleep anytime in the previous week imagining one or more residents of New York reaching for your submitted work, the look on their faces as they read, or the times during the day when they may have tried to call but either the phone was busy or a satellite in space lost the connection to your voicemail?

8. Did you try to memorize all the area codes in New York so out-of-state sales calls won't give you a heart attack? (Good luck)

9. Do you keep praise for your writing near at hand, like hiding alcohol in a drawer, for particularly hard days?

10. Is anyone in your family under the misconception that someday they will be rewarded handsomely, and with cash, for all the times they tolerated your eccentricities and various forms of abandonment?
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If you answered 'yes' to question number one, you are a real writer.

If you answered 'yes' to questions 6, 7, or 8, you are a psycho. The good news is, if you also answered 'yes' to question one, the world will overlook your illness.

If you answered 'yes' to number one and to any of the following--2,3,4,5,9, or 10--you're quite normal for a writer. Especially 10.

If you answered 'no' to question number one, but yes to any of the other questions, shame on you. Return to your word processing program and earn your shingle.