WHY ARE YOU NOT WRITING?

Since Science and Nerds are all the rage these days, let's take the scientific approach to this mystery: why are you not writing?

Examine what you are doing instead of writing. Make a little chart, even if you only do it by hand--gasp!--make a chart of yesterday, or whichever day it was that you meant to fill with a word-count, but failed miserably. If it's today, then start at the top with "Read a blog instead."
Followed by "Made a second breakfast instead," or whatever.

The trick is to write down what you did, followed by the word 'instead.' It will help you realized that you chose to do those things instead of writing. You gave them higher priority.

And after you've filled the page, take a look. Were half the things you chose to do silly little time-sucks?

As Sheldon Cooper might conclude, perhaps you don't want to write after all. Maybe the next little section of time-suck can be spent examining why you do or do not want to write after all.

With all the avenues for publication out there--if publication is your goal--you're going to need to a lot of product to sell. If you only needed to be able to say, "I finished the Great American Novel," then feel free to pet your pretty GAN. Trot it out for company. Trim it's toenails now and then. Buy it a pretty bow. But here's the important part:

You don't need to waste your time visiting blogs like this. You might be better off looking for pet accessories.

For the rest of you, those who've come here truly looking for a way to get your butt in the chair, attach an imaginary GPS to your arse and follow it around for a while. It's cheating on you. It's cheating you out of your dream and it's time for an intervention.

DO EET! DO EET NOOOOW!

GIANT FOOTPRINTS--what the end of the world can do for me

It works for fictional characters, doesn't it? Impending doom gets them moving, doing the thing that must be done. So why don't we use it too, especially since we have a unique opportunity to scare ourselves into motion?

I'm referring to December 21st of 2012. If you've lived in a cave, go here. The end of the world is on the calendars of so many, let's use it. Let's write it on the walls of our offices. But maybe we could call it 'F' Day. (No, not that.) 'F' would stand for Freedom, Fulfillment, or better yet, FOOTPRINT.

I know FOOTPRINT is a bad word in environmental circles, but I'm talking about our FOOTPRINT on humanity. I realized a while ago that I write to prove I was here. I don't want to slip from this life into the next and just be forgotten. I want all this...angst...to have meant something. I want to make it nearly impossible for people to forget me, including those who will wish they could.

So join me, won't you, in making this year count. Leave a footprint. Make it permanent. Let's realize our major goals this year. If your goals are out of your hands, then take them back. We can use the momentum of the countdown for our own purposes, but the world will count down with us. How exciting is that?

When F-Day comes, I want a footprint like Godzilla's. One in which you can fit a hundred Matthew Brodericks.

My First Interview!!!

This is my first Blog interview since GOING BACK FOR ROMEO hit the market!
It's all Holidays and Joy, baby, so go check it out!

http://kaceymark.blogspot.com/2011/12/going-home-for-holidays-and-going-back.html

THE GIDDY FACTOR--YOUR GIDDY FACTOR

Miss me?
Yeah, you didn't even know I was gone.

Well, my friends, we're up and running again. And I'll tell you why.

'Cause deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on this wall. You NEED me on this wall. It's getting crazy out there and in order to thrive in his publishing-rich environment, you're going to need a little focus to go with that GIDDY FACTOR.

You're gonna want to start running before you stretch, and I can't let that happen. What kind of friend would I be?

You're going to burn yourselves out in that money box, grasping and stuffing. You're going to need to fill those carts again, with more product to sell, and you're going to hurt and want to go to sleep.

But I won't let you down. When you need a push in the right direction, I'll be here for you. We'll keep each other from becoming one-hit-wonders, okay? We'll kick those pants when needed. You can kick mine if you can get your foot up that far. And when our writing butts are draggin', we can lift each other--figuratively of course.

So I'm here. And if you need a refresher on how to find exciting content for your wips, check out John D. Brown's blog. http://johndbrown.com/2011/11/generating-story-5-hunt-zing/

John's your friend too.

Farewell Butt-kicking Speech

Look.
This is my farewell post for this blog. I've started repeating myself and I'm going to move on to a new less-Lesli-centric blog. (Not quite up and running, but it will be www.onceuponascotland.wordpress.com )

But before I go, let me just sum up what I've been trying to tell you since 2007. The only way to get past whatever it is you think is blocking your ability to write, is to take action. Write. Write crap you'll toss in the rubbish bin later. Write a list of things your character really hates. Write why you hate this blog, or anything else. Just as long as you write! Losen your typing muscles and your own writing goals will insert themselves while you're trying to remember where the q is, without looking down.

If you've spent a couple of years studying the craft, there comes a time when you should stop studying and start applying. If you've written a piece of crap and need to figure out how to fix it, pick up some books and start experimenting. Get off the internet and work.

If you thought writing a novel would merely be a long drawn out version of your free verse class, you were wrong. It's work. Back breaking, tendon swelling, sleep depriving work. Don't want to do it that way? Then go back to writing free verse and leave real writers alone. Don't come to our parties, our conferences, or our bbqs and claim to be one of us.

(If you are one of us, then by all means, come. Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we publish!)

So do what I always tell you to do. Piss, or get off the pot.
We writers are funny creatures. We're suckers for other writers. Need help? Just ask. We're full of all kinds of free advice and brotherly love. But if we smell a faker, we're going to pinch our noses and point at the culprit. Every time. Don't want to smell like a faker? Make a schedule and write at least a few times a week. We're not Nazis. We're artists. Some of us write pure crap, but it's not from a lack of trying. We're like nurses; a fart is as good as a bm. It's all about the trying.

And on that happy note...pthththththththththt!

The 'THIS IS BULLSH** Speech

Who else could possibly surpass writers when it comes to procrastination?

No one, that's who. Although, I must admit I'm far too tired to think very hard on the subject. In fact, I'm pretty freaking tired in general. And you know what's making me tired today? (No, not chocolate.) The overwhelming reality of what I should have accomplished in the last few weeks, but I won't get into that. You're welcome.

What am I going to do about it? Whine? Rant? No again. You're welcome again.

Instead, I'm going to plan out my writing time for the next week, sparing you the details of course, and I'm going to defend it like the freaking Alamo.

There. I feel better. A week from now, I won't be tired of my own failures. I'll be pumped to kick my own arse yet again the following week.

I so swear.

The CURE for PROFESSIONAL JEALOUSY

Sick of the jealous feeling, I began looking for a cure and I think I've got it. And I think it worked!

Late last night I learned of my friend's major, debut, three-book, YA, sold-at-auction between four houses, enough to retire from her day job, pub-house with the BEST covers DEAL. Her name is CJ Redwine.

I was so thrilled she sold, since she was a Golden Heart Finalist in 2008 and I believe it was not the first book her agent tried to sell for her. It was just her turn, you know? And she really is a mad genius.

I really expected the envy-riverbanks to overflow, but they didn't.

I woke up this morning and realized why I'm okay.
And no, it's not the Rapture/Fail thing.

For the past couple of days, I've been paying a little more attention to what's happening around me. Scary, uncharacteristic of me, I know. But I pushed back all thoughts of other writers, the fame and fortune thing, and just asked myself what my personal definition of success would be. How much fame and fortune could I handle without it having an adverse affect on the life I want with my family. How much would huge success take me away from them?

Let me admit, right here and now, that I totally want the fame and fortune thing--that hasn't changed. But no matter how fun it might be to live in the shoes of Stephanie Meyer or the Beautiful Creatures Chicks, I really don't want to mess up my family or trade them in for a smaller more manageable crowd. (We are now ten, with two daughter in laws on the way.) I can't just pack them in a Winnebago and drag them around with me.

So I'm listing my goals, in order, in a very 'one step at a time' 'totally against my nature' way. I'm already able to write full time. I've got an agent. Now I've got to get a deal too. Will it be a CJ Redwine deal? No. But I think I'm going to be so happy to be sold, it won't matter. For once in my life, I'll be grateful instead of greedy.

At least, that's the plan.
What's your plan?

PROFESSIONAL JEALOUSY

The great James Dashner said recently, at the LTUE conference, that jealousy is a great motivator in this business.

I wonder who was the focus of his jealously when he wrote Maze Runner. I do know that envy of JD has poked and prodded me until I'm black and blue. And again, today, I was swept away by a monsterous wave of the stuff when I heard good news for another local writer.

Am I happy for this writer? Yes. I'm exstatic, really. And is there enough room on the NYTBSA for us both? Of course. This writer is not my competition.

What do I do about my jealousy?

I RANT AND RAVE AT MY FAMILY UNTIL THEY ARE HAPPY TO HAVE ME LOCK MYSELF IN MY OFFICE to pound out my frustration on the keyboard. They're not so interested that I succeed as a writer as they are to see me remove my moody self from their peaceful existences--as long as I come out in time to make dinner.

And I'll tell you what. I may come out for only that for a while. This bug up my butt is planning on a full-body possession and it's got a good head start. I may not come out until the NBT-next big thing-is finished!

So, share with the class. How do you handle your professional jealousy? Don't even pretend you aren't affected by it. There is no lying permitted here.

Confess!

Writaholic Paradise

Say you're Hemmingway.
Money. Fame. Published Author.
Bully. Dictator. King or Queen of all you survey.

Got it?
Whatcha gonna do with it? Make your family keep their traps shut until noon so you can write like Earnest did?

My fantasy? A huge field of green. A hut in the center. One road through the field down which my family comes thrice a day to bring me food, cheer, and their good tidings. A couple of kisses for the kids, a grope from the hubster, and the dustless departure of a group of humans whose happiness I made possible.

Then I take a dose of chocolate, a sip of an icy beverage in which the ice has not dared to sweat, let alone melt. I turn back to my desk to find my creation waiting patiently, prepared to jump back into the sky and take wing as soon as our eyes meet.

Oh, the power and joy in my arm when it pounces from me, into space! Into the world! And it will never be nothing again!

This.
This is what my distractions steal from me.

And you? Whatcha got hiding in that back corner of your mind? Make a wish...or three. We'll all keep your secret.

Secret Abbreviation!

On Twitter, when I think I've tweeted something that makes me laugh aloud, I follow with OMHIF. Only YOU will know it means OH MY HELL I'M FUNNY.

See? Now you have to follow me on Twitter so you can watch for it. @LesliMuirLytle

You can't help yourself, can you? You may even start your Twitter account just so you can follow me. Trust me, it's easy, and I'm worth it. Especailly if there is a chance I look like this========>

OMHIF!